(One day at the Oquendo Manor)
Sarah: I am not dead yet! And to prove it, I'll go all around town with nothing but my birthday suit while waving the flag of Spain!
Cesare/Ezio/Desmond/Altair/Malik/Niccolo/Micheletto/Ellie: . . . . . . . . .
Sarah: I'll call you guys when I've been arrested, take care of Baby Cesare for me~! *leaves in a rush*
Ezio: Grazie Dio her love of soccer players is beginning to fade
Altair: And I was getting sick and tired of listening to her moan about them in her sleep.
Desmond: That's...really helpful grandpa...
Ellie: Baby Cesare is sleeping anyways, who wants to play video games with me?
Ezio: Oh~! Me! :D
Ellie: Great. Hey Chez, go make us some cupcakes will ya? The one with chocolate whipped cream and flower-shaped chocolates alright?
Cesare: Fine! Micheletto get the ingredients!
Il Lupo: . . . *gets curb stomped by none other than Teodoro*
(In the game room)
Ellie: Shut up old man!
Ezio: Cazzo! My back!
Ellie: I told you to take Ibuprofen before we played this game!
**They're playing Mortal Kombat while on the floor*
Ellie: You're just jealous because I'm 10 times younger than you :P
Ezio: . . . . *intentionally unplugs TV* Oops~! Butter fingers~! **DERP!**
Ellie: Why you-! *tackles Ezio and begins wrestling match*
Cesare: *enters the game room with pink frilly/lacey/fluffy apron on* What in San Giuseppe's name are you two-
**Il Lupo bumps against Cesare, the tray of choco cupcakes goes flying and lands on Sarah's white polyester couch**
Ezio/Ellie/Cesare/Il Lupo: . . . . . . . . . .
Cesare: Sarah's . . .
Ezio: Favorite . . .
Il Lupo: Woof! (couch!)
Ellie: I don't get it, what's the big deal?
Ezio: Her sweet dear old grandmother bought that couch for her use when she was six and she hasn't let anyone sit on it except Baby Chez
Baby Cesare: :D
Ellie: *scratching her head* And?
Cesare: It's a memorabilia! And do you know what will happen to us if she finds out we've ruined her couch?!
Ellie: *shakes head*
Cesare: She'll cut off our nipples and feed them to the piranhas then she'll shove a chainsaw up our asses and what's worse.....
SHE'LL CHOP OFF OUR PENE...
Ellie: I don't get it, she'll go crazy over a stain on her couch?
Ezio: Do you remember the time Teodoro's horse accidentally-Ummm-Dumped on her couch?
Ezio: And remember that time where we ate dark red meat and Sarah said it came all the way from France?
Ezio: Si, now unless you wish to be the next meal in her dinner party, I suggest we clean this up before we-IL LUPO NO!
Il Lupo: *had tried to emove stain with his cape but it only made the situation worse*
Ezio/Cesare: SANTA MARIA DI DIO!!!
Ellie: Why don't we just ask Leonardo? Seeing that he's the clean freak aside from Cesare, oh wait he stole that title from you...
Cesare: ... I got it, why don't we just burn the stain and then paint it white?
Elllie: Umm what?
Ezio: Great idea! Let's bring this downstairs!
**As the two men leave with the couch, Ellie dials a number on her phone**
Ellie: Leo, we need you and Salai here on the double and I mean now!
(At the backyard)
Micheletto: Are you really sure we should be burning this?
Cesare: Of course! Now throw that torch now or we'll suffer the dire consequins...
Ezio: . . . Did you just say CONSEQUINS?
Cesare: J-Just shut up!!!
Micheletto: *throws torch onto the couch*
Desmond: *sweat starts building up* Is it just me or do I feel something strange coming on?
Ezio: It's you
Ellie: GUYS NO!!!
Leonardo: I have the bleach-Oops! *trips and bottles of bleach lands on the bonfire making the situation worse than ever*
Sarah: Hey guys! Guess what? I just got interviewed by CNN about my run and I have been issued 4 million dollars for charity isn't that-
Everyone else: . . .
Sarah: . . . MY COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps into the pool before jumping into the inferno*
Ellie: A good individual has left us yet again
Cesare: It's all my fault Dio mio! Why?! Why?!
Sarah: *jumps right out with soot all over* Hot damn! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
Ezio: Sarah you're alive! But how? *notices Sarah's lack of clothing and hurries up to wrap her in a bundle*
Sarah: Shit happens. But I'm glad these were alive! *holds up something at them*
Cesare: What are they?
Sarah: My family heirlooms. They've passed down since the first Oquendos from Spain. *pulls out gold brooches, ruby necklaces and sapphire rings*
Ezio: Wait, wait, wait...is that why your grandmother gave you the couch?
Sarah: Yeah, she said safes were too stupid and it'll be unlikely to put you family jewels in a hidden place.
Cesare: Your last statement-
Leonardo: Oh my! These rubies seem a hundred years old or more! With the currency today I am guessing it is 10 to 14 million in amount.
Cesare/Ezio/Desmond/Ellie: . . . . 14 million?!
Sarah: Wow! I didn't know that!
Ellie: So why didn't you sell them in the first place?!
Sarah: Because I want to give them to my upcoming child!
Cesare/Ezio/Ellie/Leonardo/Micheletto/Desmond/Altair/Malik/Niccolo/Il Lupo/Teodoro/Fiora/Andwhoeverwasalsointheneighborhood: . . . .
Sarah: . . . Um yeah I forgot to tell you guys . . .Surprise?
Ellie: *begins slapping Cesare, Ezio and punches Micheletto in the face then grabs Sarah by the shoulders* WHO DID YOU?!!!!
Sarah: I-I-I don't remember! He and I were in a dark room and it was so weird and exciting plus he had me blindfolded-!
Cesare: How dare you impregnate her you sick old man! *chokes Ezio*
Ezio: Me?! You're the one who invades her room at night! BED INTRUDER! *chokes Cesare as well*
Micheletto: . . .
Sarah: It's impossible with Micheletto since he never did much use the usual entrance
Sarah: But anyways, at least my kid is going to marvel the family heirlooms and I will tell him/her about the battles our ancestors fought and-
**The jewels are gone**
Sarah: . . . . Salai!!!
Salai: *runs off quickly*
Ellie: Can't you hold your sugar baby for just one second-?! Sarah! You're not suppose to run in that condition!
Ezio: SI! Come back here!
Cesare: Your child will bear the Borgia name!
**Author's note: I'm not really pregnant, just knocked up in the head :D**